OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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