God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
