i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
