He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
