fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
