Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
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Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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