im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats