Texts From Last Night

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  (240): View more from Maryland

  At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka

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  (240): At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka http://tfl.nu/5kll
  Replies (21) Good night (1125) Bad night (5545)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Found more tequila

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  (573): I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair (573): Found more tequila http://tfl.nu/cg6k
  Replies (9) Good night (4731) Bad night (635)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.

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  (320): I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on. http://tfl.nu/x1xg
  Replies (21) Good night (7156) Bad night (1777)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat

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  (803): If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat http://tfl.nu/80p4
  Replies (19) Good night (6965) Bad night (1264)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.

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  (817): I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number. http://tfl.nu/dwaz
  Replies (1) Good night (2829) Bad night (770)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes

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  (702): you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes http://tfl.nu/hymj
  Replies (8) Good night (746) Bad night (2056)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.

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  (319): I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming. http://tfl.nu/9kx6
  Replies (1) Good night (850) Bad night (1014)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.

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  (407): I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by. http://tfl.nu/944n
  Replies (10) Good night (614) Bad night (1389)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?

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  (304): How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service? http://tfl.nu/aku2
  Replies (5) Good night (879) Bad night (443)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window

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  (847): Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window http://tfl.nu/ubwd
  Replies (2) Good night (493) Bad night (598)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell

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  (201): Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell http://tfl.nu/payj
  Replies (6) Good night (2792) Bad night (538)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him

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  (814): I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him http://tfl.nu/pxxc
  Replies (5) Good night (766) Bad night (684)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?

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  (520): Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent? http://tfl.nu/den8
  Replies (3) Good night (422) Bad night (660)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'

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  (201): well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler' http://tfl.nu/wfeh
  Replies (1) Good night (429) Bad night (540)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for

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  (262): It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for http://tfl.nu/8tbr
  Replies (6) Good night (385) Bad night (293)

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