Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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