my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
