this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
