true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
