I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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