Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
