Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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