I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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