Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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