I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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