I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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