someone threw a dead crab at me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize