his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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