So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
