She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
