i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize