I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
