I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
