That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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