I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
