Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
