There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
