well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
