We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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