Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
