I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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