So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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