Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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