Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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