why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
