The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Shame - the story of my life.
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