I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
