You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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