God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
