mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
