Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
