wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old