i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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