Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him