carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.