Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.