I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix