I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.