When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
not ubering you a puppy
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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