I heard we made out
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize