Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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