whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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