Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
