I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
