I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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