Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
