You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
as a side note pls kill me
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