What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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