"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
