So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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