I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
