Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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