I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
