hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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