i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
